she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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