I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
