That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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