when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
