Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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