I'm so fucking centered right now
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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