I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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