did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
love makes seman taste better
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
