ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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