You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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