I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
zippers are such a cool invention
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
