end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
