just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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