Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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