My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
