she was so not down for the gang bang
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
