Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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