I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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