I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
