Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
