It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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