Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
