i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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