My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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