my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
