So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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