Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
