Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
