Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
