Im at strip club and am horny
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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