You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
