C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
