She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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