forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
