Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
