Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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