i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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