btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
