90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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