I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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