I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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