we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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