2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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