Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
