You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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