soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
