Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
