You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
