Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
