I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
